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They call me Garrett
98 RBP V4 STi Swapped RS
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4,168 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Now, as many of you may know there are these strange kinds of people in the Subaru community that seem to just bother the hell out of you. You’re not quite sure what it is, I mean after all they share the same love for the same kind of car as you that should make them a cool person in your book, yes? No. These people are called Bros. They are the absolute scum of the Subaru community and ruin it for the population of us that aren’t Bros. In this guide, I will help you recognize and stay away from Bros, as well as explain the difference between Bros and regular Subaru owners.


I will first start off by saying to all the ambitious, lucky go happy, optimists of the Subaru community that are thinking about trying to find the Bros and change their ways, that you cannot in fact, change their ways. Once someone gets a Monster logo tattooed on their back, they are stuck with that for the rest of their lives.



Section One- Identifying the Bro

Again, many people may know what a Bro is, but this part of the guide is for the people who don’t.


There are many qualities that make a Bro a Bro, and you can’t always tell a Bro from a normal person just by looking at them… though you might be able to make a very educated guess. Since we can derive a great amount of information from the way someone looks, I find it relevant to talk about what a Bro may look like. Some things you may look for in a Bro include:



  • Sideways or backwards hats
  • Monster Tattoos
  • Ken Block shirts/hats/etc
  • Pants on the knees
  • Carrying bottles of Patron or Monster/any energy drink
  • Orange spray on tan
  • Hair with enough gel in it to the point where you can see your reflection


This is not an all-inclusive list of course, but it’s a good start.

Now at this point you may be saying “Wait, Garrett… I wear my hat backwards. Am I a bro?”. Well, as I said before you cannot tell apart a normal person from a Bro by only one aspect of anything. Chances are if you only wear your hat backward, you are not a bro; though if you start acquiring a taste for ONLY Patron… then you may want to start worrying.

Okay. So, you have found a person who drives a Subaru, and he has a backwards hat and a Monster Tattoo, or any of the things on the list above. You have an aching suspicion that he might be a Bro. What do you do next? Seeing as you probably met this person somewhere because of the Subaru community, you should probably look at his car.

We all have our own style, and we tend to group ourselves with people with the same kind of style as us. This doesn’t apply just to cars, this applies to everything. When was the last time you saw a guy who likes grunge music hanging out a martini bar down on Rush Street in Chicago. Chances are you haven’t, unless of course you don’t go to martini bars yourself and in that case you wouldn’t know. Anyways, the point is people group themselves naturally. Because they do, we can assume that Bros will group themselves with other Bros giving a Bro a general style, from which we can assume certain information about that person, based on what their car looks like.

Some things you might look into to see if one is a bro is first by looking at what kind of Subaru they have. Now this may be controversial, but I don’t make up the statistics. This being a board for mostly Imprezas, I will stay away from any other general trends from other models Subaru has made. That means I won’t rant about lesbians in their Foresters, or that gay guy in his Legacy wagon. Imprezas have a demographic for each trim and chassis and what have you.

Generally a Bro will be found driving a GD chassis Impreza, usually a WRX or 2.5i or 2.5RS. That’s not to say there are no Bros in STis (the number of STis that have been put into buildings says otherwise) or driving a GC, but the majority of them seem to lie in the GD WRX category. Why you may ask? Simply put, “gotta tarbo bro”. That and, mommy and daddy don’t want to pay the insurance for the bigger turbo.

Some things you may look for in a bros car are:

  • GD WRX (gotta have that sick Rex brah)
  • Rota wheels (gotta be lightweight bro, more fast)
  • Slammed to the point it is like driving a skateboard (no fat chicks allowed bro)
  • Stickerbombed trim pieces (street glow stickers broskii)
  • Unknown brand CAI (more power, more bitches brah)
  • Only an aftermarket muffler (subie brap = snatch trap)
  • Ridiculously flamboyant wheel colors
Pretty much any Hellaflush, ricer, Stance Nation prick you can think of. And again, this is not to say that everyone who slams their car is a bro, or anyone that has Rotas is a bro, but a general trend.


Now you have seen the bro with the Monster tattoo, you have seen his slammed 2.5i with an STi wing and a Hellaflush sticker on it, and you are starting to get nervous you may have spotted a bro. What is the next thing you should do? If you don’t want to take the chance and talk to the suspected Bro, it is fine at this point to walk away and assume he is a Bro, although it would reflect poorly on you I you were to assume this person was and it turns out they aren’t. So what you should do is approach the Bro. You may find this person at a Subaru meet, or he cut you off in traffic because he wanted to Tokyo Drift around your car to try and get your sister’s number. By approaching the suspected Bro you will be able to find out if they are a Bro within 5 minutes of talking to them, this is how.


The way a Bro speaks is generally the most noticeable way to find out if someone is a Bro. If they are speaking English, you can’t understand half of it… chances are… you have a Broskii in your sights.

Some phrases or things a Bro might say include:

  • PM’s that start with “bro”
  • Saying the phrase “nah man” or “nah bro” over and over
  • Simply putting “bro” after every sentence, such as “Bro, wanna cut my springs bro?”
  • Any talk about drifting around things. “Aw bro, remember that one time I drifted my Rex round that Honda, shit was cash bro”
  • Excessive use of swearing “bro I fucking hate that shit fuck pile of ass Honda *** ricer bitch *** *** bitch cunt shit bro”
  • Excessive talk about the party last night
  • Talk of illegal things to a point where it is silly
  • Calling their WRX a "Scoobie", "Rex", "Swagmeister"
So, if you see a guy drinking a monster while texting his bros and swerving in and out of lanes on the highway in his WRX with an STi wing, and you drive by him and he yells “MAN FUCK YOU BRO”, I think at this point we know he is a bro.

Section Two- What to do about Bros?

So you have identified a Bro, and you know you don’t like them. What do you do about it?


This is a pretty straight forward section: Ignore them.


Do not sell parts to them, do not encourage them, do not make fun of them, and do not look at them. Bros do certain things for attention, and if you give them none, they don’t get the satisfaction.


Section Three- I Am Afraid I Am a Bro!

Many of you may be reading this and think “OH NO I THINK I AM A BRO!”, and to that I say FEAR NOT! Chances are if you are still reading this and haven’t closed the page, thrown your computer out the window, down a fifth of Patron, and bounced the rev limiter on your WRX and dropped the clutch on the way to the corner store to buy some more Monster and protein bars you are not a bro.


The main difference between a normal person and a Bro is pretty simple. Normal people will do Bro-like things. They do it all the time. The only difference is that normal people assume normal responsibilities for their actions.


For example: You are driving your Impreza, be it any model year and trim, and you decide to have some fun. Going 120mph on the street is a bro thing to do in every way, but were you weaving in and out of traffic doing so? Probably not, and if you were you are thinking about how stupid it was and that you won’t do it again. If a Bro did this, he’d have taken a picture of his speedo, posted it to facebook and texted all his bros to tell their girlfriends to tell their friends so that Brotato here can get laid that night at the party his Bro Bronini is having.


When Bros do Brolike things and they are bad, they either try to pass the blame or justify their actions without using reason and logic. When Bros do something good, they blow it out of proportion and make sure everyone knows about it.


When normal people do Brollike things, and they are good.. they may tell a couple people, but they surely won’t brag about it to the point where people unfriend them on Facebook and put a Mafia hit out on them. When normal people do Brolike things, and they are bad, they take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes. They may joke about it, and get angry about it sometimes.. but they move on.

This is the end of the guide for now, I can update it with facts and things you guys felt I was missing. But take this and read it to help yourself not be a Bro, and help yourself stay away from the Bros that are giving decent people in the Subaru community a bad name. Eventually they will leave, and your insurance premiums will go down.

Also, i should add, most of this is my opinion.. everyone has different opinions and if you can't respect them.. well.. you might as well not take your own opinions seriously, because i know i won't.

(also sorry for formatting, copied and pasted from Word.. fixing it)
 

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Registered
03 Impreza 2.5RS. AWP
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461 Posts
Now, as many of you may know there are these strange kinds of people in the Subaru community that seem to just bother the hell out of you. You’re not quite sure what it is, I mean after all they share the same love for the same kind of car as you that should make them a cool person in your book, yes? No. These people are called Bros. They are the absolute scum of the Subaru community and ruin it for the population of us that aren’t Bros. In this guide, I will help you recognize and stay away from Bros, as well as explain the difference between Bros and regular Subaru owners.


I will first start off by saying to all the ambitious, lucky go happy, optimists of the Subaru community that are thinking about trying to find the Bros and change their ways, that you cannot in fact, change their ways. Once someone gets a Monster logo tattooed on their back, they are stuck with that for the rest of their lives.



Section One- Identifying the Bro

Again, many people may know what a Bro is, but this part of the guide is for the people who don’t.


There are many qualities that make a Bro a Bro, and you can’t always tell a Bro from a normal person just by looking at them… though you might be able to make a very educated guess. Since we can derive a great amount of information from the way someone looks, I find it relevant to talk about what a Bro may look like. Some things you may look for in a Bro include:



  • Sideways or backwards hats
  • Monster Tattoos
  • Ken Block shirts/hats/etc
  • Pants on the knees
  • Carrying bottles of Patron or Monster/any energy drink
  • Orange spray on tan
  • Hair with enough gel in it to the point where you can see your reflection


This is not an all-inclusive list of course, but it’s a good start.

Now at this point you may be saying “Wait, Garrett… I wear my hat backwards. Am I a bro?”. Well, as I said before you cannot tell apart a normal person from a Bro by only one aspect of anything. Chances are if you only wear your hat backward, you are not a bro; though if you start acquiring a taste for ONLY Patron… then you may want to start worrying.

Okay. So, you have found a person who drives a Subaru, and he has a backwards hat and a Monster Tattoo, or any of the things on the list above. You have an aching suspicion that he might be a Bro. What do you do next? Seeing as you probably met this person somewhere because of the Subaru community, you should probably look at his car.

We all have our own style, and we tend to group ourselves with people with the same kind of style as us. This doesn’t apply just to cars, this applies to everything. When was the last time you saw a guy who likes grunge music hanging out a martini bar down on Rush Street in Chicago. Chances are you haven’t, unless of course you don’t go to martini bars yourself and in that case you wouldn’t know. Anyways, the point is people group themselves naturally. Because they do, we can assume that Bros will group themselves with other Bros giving a Bro a general style, from which we can assume certain information about that person, based on what their car looks like.

Some things you might look into to see if one is a bro is first by looking at what kind of Subaru they have. Now this may be controversial, but I don’t make up the statistics. This being a board for mostly Imprezas, I will stay away from any other general trends from other models Subaru has made. That means I won’t rant about lesbians in their Foresters, or that gay guy in his Legacy wagon. Imprezas have a demographic for each trim and chassis and what have you.

Generally a Bro will be found driving a GD chassis Impreza, usually a WRX or 2.5i or 2.5RS. That’s not to say there are no Bros in STis (the number of STis that have been put into buildings says otherwise) or driving a GC, but the majority of them seem to lie in the GD WRX category. Why you may ask? Simply put, “gotta tarbo bro”. That and, mommy and daddy don’t want to pay the insurance for the bigger turbo.

Some things you may look for in a bros car are:

  • GD WRX (gotta have that sick Rex brah)
  • Rota wheels (gotta be lightweight bro, more fast)
  • Slammed to the point it is like driving a skateboard (no fat chicks allowed bro)
  • Stickerbombed trim pieces (street glow stickers broskii)
  • Unknown brand CAI (more power, more bitches brah)
  • Only an aftermarket muffler (subie brap = snatch trap)
  • Ridiculously flamboyant wheel colors
Pretty much any Hellaflush, ricer, Stance Nation prick you can think of. And again, this is not to say that everyone who slams their car is a bro, or anyone that has Rotas is a bro, but a general trend.


Now you have seen the bro with the Monster tattoo, you have seen his slammed 2.5i with an STi wing and a Hellaflush sticker on it, and you are starting to get nervous you may have spotted a bro. What is the next thing you should do? If you don’t want to take the chance and talk to the suspected Bro, it is fine at this point to walk away and assume he is a Bro, although it would reflect poorly on you I you were to assume this person was and it turns out they aren’t. So what you should do is approach the Bro. You may find this person at a Subaru meet, or he cut you off in traffic because he wanted to Tokyo Drift around your car to try and get your sister’s number. By approaching the suspected Bro you will be able to find out if they are a Bro within 5 minutes of talking to them, this is how.


The way a Bro speaks is generally the most noticeable way to find out if someone is a Bro. If they are speaking English, you can’t understand half of it… chances are… you have a Broskii in your sights.
Some phrases or things a Bro might say include:

  • PM’s that start with “bro”
  • Saying the phrase “nah man” or “nah bro” over and over
  • Simply putting “bro” after every sentence, such as “Bro, wanna cut my springs bro?”
  • Any talk about drifting around things. “Aw bro, remember that one time I drifted my Rex round that Honda, shit was cash bro”
  • Excessive use of swearing “bro I fucking hate that shit fuck pile of ass Honda *** ricer bitch *** *** bitch cunt shit bro”
  • Excessive talk about the party last night
  • Talk of illegal things to a point where it is silly
  • Calling their WRX a "Scoobie", "Rex", "Swagmeister"
So, if you see a guy drinking a monster while texting his bros and swerving in and out of lanes on the highway in his WRX with an STi wing, and you drive by him and he yells “MAN FUCK YOU BRO”, I think at this point we know he is a bro.

Section Two- What to do about Bros?

So you have identified a Bro, and you know you don’t like them. What do you do about it?


This is a pretty straight forward section: Ignore them.


Do not sell parts to them, do not encourage them, do not make fun of them, and do not look at them. Bros do certain things for attention, and if you give them none, they don’t get the satisfaction.


Section Three- I Am Afraid I Am a Bro!

Many of you may be reading this and think “OH NO I THINK I AM A BRO!”, and to that I say FEAR NOT! Chances are if you are still reading this and haven’t closed the page, thrown your computer out the window, down a fifth of Patron, and bounced the rev limiter on your WRX and dropped the clutch on the way to the corner store to buy some more Monster and protein bars you are not a bro.


The main difference between a normal person and a Bro is pretty simple. Normal people will do Bro-like things. They do it all the time. The only difference is that normal people assume normal responsibilities for their actions.


For example: You are driving your Impreza, be it any model year and trim, and you decide to have some fun. Going 120mph on the street is a bro thing to do in every way, but were you weaving in and out of traffic doing so? Probably not, and if you were you are thinking about how stupid it was and that you won’t do it again. If a Bro did this, he’d have taken a picture of his speedo, posted it to facebook and texted all his bros to tell their girlfriends to tell their friends so that Brotato here can get laid that night at the party his Bro Bronini is having.


When Bros do Brolike things and they are bad, they either try to pass the blame or justify their actions without using reason and logic. When Bros do something good, they blow it out of proportion and make sure everyone knows about it.


When normal people do Brollike things, and they are good.. they may tell a couple people, but they surely won’t brag about it to the point where people unfriend them on Facebook and put a Mafia hit out on them. When normal people do Brolike things, and they are bad, they take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes. They may joke about it, and get angry about it sometimes.. but they move on.

This is the end of the guide for now, I can update it with facts and things you guys felt I was missing. But take this and read it to help yourself not be a Bro, and help yourself stay away from the Bros that are giving decent people in the Subaru community a bad name. Eventually they will leave, and your insurance premiums will go down.

(also sorry for formatting, copied and pasted from Word.. fixing it)
Posteriquote
 

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Registered
09 Forester
Joined
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656 Posts
bro, why you hatin bro?

:crazy: :projectsti.com: :burnout::run:























jk
and on the serious side, id have to say theres certain "levels" of bros if you will. i say bro a little exesively at times. i drink an amp every now and then (but monster sucks) and i love lowered cars. but i hate sticker bombing, and cocky assholes. i think someone can be a cool "bro", as everything is good in moderation. (to an extent...) and imo, the biggest "bro" attribute has to be the cockiness.
 

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Registered
2000 RS SRP(RIP), 97 OBWRXS
Joined
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2,523 Posts
i have to say also people who know me can very well vouch that i am the furthest thing from a bro, but yes i wear an occasional flat bill/brim hat from time to time, also i drink monsters/other energy drinks doesnt mean shit your term for "Bro" is the furthest thing from what i know as a "Bro" your definition sounds more like a generalization of everyone that you do not like as a subaru owner..
 
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